I start this new college semester with a better understanding of myself.
After whining for the last few days (okay weeks....maybe a month....) about not wanting to start classes again because it will cut into my creative time, I am actually excited to start today.
This semester will be a focus on what is important to me, which is a big change from my attempt at learning the Japanese language last semester so that I could study abroad in Japan. I ended up failing Japanese I, because of many reasons which included no time to study, a difficult studio class, illness and my memory not being as good as it was 10 years ago. Since I identify myself as an overachiever (and yes it is very true) this was a hard blow to my ego. I still have a difficult time to identify myself as more than just an academic, so failing a class is a heavy burden to bear. As I was clearing out my Japanese binder last night, I heard each paper yell "FAILURE!" as I shuffled them into the recycle bin. However this failure has taught me more about who I am now than all the scholarships and honor society awards that I won within the last year.
What I learned from failing:
1. Learning a language at 32 is harder than at 22.
2. My self worth should not be judged by my grades or GPA.
3. The world will not end if I fail a class.
4. Stress makes you sick. Sickness makes you miss class. Missing class makes you stressed. Cycle repeats and repeats.
and most importantly:
5. BALANCE is the more important than anything.
So this semester, I am going to seek BALANCE more than academic achievement. As the semester starts today, I vow to keep this sense of balance by taking time to exercise my body, eat healthy foods, write and enjoy life and make time for my family and myself.
Even though I have no choice but to take full time classes (12 units) or work part time to pay my bills, I can chose my classes carefully, and budget my time better. I am going to say NO more often for things that don't serve me, and carefully evaluate the wonderful opportunities that present themselves to see they fit into the time I have now.
Therefore, I hope that my readers will kindly understand if there is less content on this blog, and know that while I am silent here, I am creating somewhere else. I still plan to document my process and share art and art marketing tips I find, but there may be less. And as the newness and excitement of my classes turns to work and stress, I plan to come here to blog about my failures in addition to my successes. Viewed as a whole, this will show the real me - flaws and perfection at the same time.
If you are starting classes now (teaching or learning), I applaud you and hope you will help me on my journey towards balance. And in turn, I wish share my world of creativity and artistic expression with you. We will both win. If you are not starting classes, I still hope you will seek out balance and share with me your lessons from an unapologetically creative life.
Forever seeking Balance! ~ Jaime Lyerly